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Welcome to Declassified, a weekly humor column.
In disappointing information, Ursula von der Leyen didn’t start her State of the European Union deal with with a heartfelt eulogy to her pet pony, Dolly, which was killed by a wolf earlier this month. As an alternative she went with Ukraine as her opening gambit. Nicely, every to their very own.
The dying of Dolly the horse was a tragic occasion that left many unanswered questions: Was it a recreation of a Brothers Grimm fairytale gone improper? Was the wolf making a political assertion towards von der Leyen’s geopolitical Fee? And — more than likely — was the perpetrator really Vladimir Putin in a wolf costume?
Whereas there was no discourse about Dolly within the State of the European Union deal with, von der Leyen did point out the late Queen Elizabeth II, whom she known as a “legend” — a time period that has, alas, change into devalued by overuse in recent times. It’s gone from getting used to explain somebody who slayed a dragon to getting used to explain somebody who at all times will get a spherical in on the bar.
Talking of the queen, there was fairly the fuss about which members of the royal family get to put on army uniform throughout the quite a few funeral ceremonies. It’s an enormous no for Prince Harry, regardless of him having been within the military for a decade, together with two excursions of Afghanistan. That’s as a result of Harry selected to go away official royal life in 2020.
Prince Andrew, who like Harry can also be a non-working member of the royals due to, er, you recognize, that, might be allowed to put on army uniform to the queen’s funeral “as a particular mark of respect,” in line with Buckingham Palace — respect for whom was not specified (the victims of his pal Jeffrey Espstein?) For the opposite ceremonies, Andrew must put on dungarees and a Justin Bieber T-shirt, or perhaps a swimsuit. Andrew did, nevertheless, serve within the navy for greater than twenty years and noticed responsibility within the Falklands Battle, and (this will likely come as a shock to youthful readers) was as soon as handled as considerably of a hero.
Princess Anne, who has by no means been within the armed forces, will put on army uniform in any respect the memorial occasions. So will Prince Edward, who was within the Royal Marines for eight seconds earlier than deciding it was an excessive amount of like laborious work and leaving earlier than finishing the coaching (Declassified ought to level out within the curiosity of equity that it has accomplished probably the most rigorous army coaching there may be — tenting at Glastonbury).
At Prince Philip’s funeral, Edward was decked out in full military uniform together with a formidable haul of medals. Rumors that he made them himself utilizing cash and sticky tape have been unconfirmed on the time of going to press.
CAPTION COMPETITION
“Lonely Frenchman’s request for 2 glasses of vin blanc cruelly denied.”
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Final time we gave you this picture:
Thanks for all of the entries. Right here’s the perfect from our postbag — there’s no prize aside from the reward of laughter, which I feel we are able to all agree is way extra beneficial than money or booze.
“Sure, I previously acquired this many textual content messages each week, however now the quantity is kind of diminished,” by Fred Myers.
Paul Dallison is POLITICO‘s slot information editor.
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