The 2023 NFL Draft is a crapshoot — and groups will overreach

I’ve been a fan of a tanking workforce for a few years now, and I feel the toughest a part of gazing large boards earlier than the season even hits its canine days is when that large board is dumbed all the way down to a bar menu. The 2023 NFL Draft is one such menu. It’s airport Chick-Fil-A, going to Frontera when Topolobampo is true there, an In-N-Out meals truck that doesn’t do the key menu.

“Fuck, man, I can’t even get it animal type? I drove seven hours with out AC for this?!” That’s why Chicago traded down, and pundits need them to do it once more. (I don’t learn about all that. Comply with Invoice Belichick’s draft strategy at your individual threat.) Take a look at Carolina. They traded as much as get a franchise QB, however are nonetheless considering it over.

A variety of followers and specialists are Pokerfacing these experiences but you’d must be Charlie Cale to know the reality (or have seen the Peacock procedural to get the reference). I do consider the Panthers although. They’re first up and are gazing two damned-if-you-do, SOL-if-you-don’t choices. May as nicely simply flip a coin and be joyful that you just get an opportunity to develop Bryce Younger or C.J. Stroud. If I’m Houston, I’m actually glad to have the choice made for me.

I’m not going to go at size about Will Levis and Anthony Richardson as a result of I’ve already executed that. Nonetheless, we might poke holes in a ton of gamers, particularly the high-value talent positions. And seeing as that’s the purpose of this piece, let’s do exactly that.

Save for tight ends, the highest 50 is barren of top-tier talent gamers

I like contradicting myself lower than 4 paragraphs after I talked shit, which is why I’m joyful to say possibly groups ought to strive the 2 TE Patriot means that labored so nicely till New England now not wished to speak about Aaron Hernandez. Regardless of one of the best participant at that place not being eligible but, I’ve seen prospect lists with nearly as many tight ends as receivers (4 to 5 of every relying on the positioning) within the prime 50.

Jordan Addison modified groups, helped earn Caleb Williams a Heisman, and his draft inventory didn’t budge. Whereas TCU’s Quentin Johnston has the physique and pace to be a No. 1, he’d want Addison’s route-running expertise to maneuver into the highest 10. I combined on just about each receiver — Jaxon Smith-Njigba barely performed final yr; Zay Flowers is tiny, and the ACC doesn’t play any protection; ditto for Josh Downs; and Jalin Hyatt may be actually good, or he merely may’ve been in an unbelievable offense.

Apparently, Bijan Robinson is that dude, however no franchise needs the general public shaming that comes with taking a working again within the first spherical. I additionally suppose Jahmyr Gibbs was one of the best working again I watched final yr and is healthier fitted to as we speak’s NFL than Robinson. (He’d be an ideal Austin Ekeler substitute for the Chargers, so let’s hope that doesn’t occur as a result of Dean Spanos is a turd.)

Alright, transferring on.

I hope you want linemen

When you don’t recognize good line play, be part of the membership. Nothing is much less attractive than taking defensive and offensive linemen, and holy shit are there so much accessible on this draft. That is 2023 although, and in case you don’t have an explosive offense, you aren’t shit. Take a look at the groups that led the league in sacks and sacks allowed, and inform me a title can nonetheless be gained within the trenches.

It’s nice in case you can run the ball and be bodily like San Francisco. That doesn’t imply you’re assured a Tremendous Bowl. Would you moderately have the Niners’ glass ceiling, or the Bengals’ quarterback and talent gamers? Sure, Will Anderson and Jalen Carter might conceivably wreck opposing quarterbacks. I additionally may very well be talked into both or each of them not panning out.

We learn about Carter’s off-field points which have led to his draft inventory tumbling like a risky crypto firm. Anderson had fewer tackles this season than he had as a freshman and half as many as his sophomore yr. To be truthful, faculty defenses typically take lengthy intervals off, however that’s a product of the sport’s evolution towards a kinder, gentler, and extra QB-friendly iteration.

There shall be a whole lot of followers speaking themselves into picks and beefy linemen in a number of weeks, and simply as many bitching a few stagnant offense in six months.

Spending your complete NFL season watching your workforce jockey for draft place solely to finish up with the 2023 class is completely brutal. I bear in mind speaking myself into Tavon Austin 10 years in the past, and since I’m a jilted ex-St. Louis Rams fan, I can’t watch for extra folks to be as depressing as me. So I personally can’t watch for the shit to start out flying as a result of this version strikes me as exceptionally crap shoot-y. Now we have a number of fan bases hoping for a franchise-altering expertise who’re most certainly going to get judo chopped within the nether areas.

Oh, you thought Will Levis was a franchise QB? PI-YAH! Knee to the junk! Anthony Richardson is one of the best athlete to ever play the place? BOOM! Donkey-kick to the balls! If Quentin Johnston would solely fall to the Giants? How about this elbow falls in your… CROTCH! The Bears are geniuses? Effectively, nothing smarts like a… CUP CHECK! I assumed this man was going to do a callback to the bar menu analogy? SMASH! Finish of column!