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Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, October 4, 2022
Notice: This be aware, which was written in 1813 through the presidency of James Madison and introduced as a present from the Put up-It Notice division of 3M, is being learn by you right here for the primary time. Please do not breathe on it as it is vitally fragile. —Nationwide Archives
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By the Numbers:
Days ’til Halloween: 27
Days ’til the 107th Dillsburg Farmers Honest in Pennsylvania: 6
Variety of Florida counties accepted for particular person help and particles removing following hurricane Ian: 17
Minimal variety of utility employees and restoration personnel from 33 states and D.C. who’re serving to out in Florida: 44,000
P.c by which Nike’s stock has elevated from a yr in the past, ensuing within the firm reducing costs to maneuver it off cabinets: 65%
Estimated time it’s going to take for the nerds at NASA to find out whether or not the DART spacecraft was profitable in altering the Dimorphos asteroid’s trajectory: 2 months
P.c probability that the primary British foreign money with King Charles III’s likeness on it options him with out a crown, a truth that ought to make you gasp in horror otherwise you’re a really poor colonial topic: 100%
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Pet Pic of the Day: In Ukraine…SAVED!!!
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CHEERS to the top of supply-chain insanity. It has been so lengthy that I nearly forgot what regular life was like earlier than the darkish occasions. Earlier than the insanity, the uncertainty, the finger-pointing, the screaming and crying, the capturing, the honking, the operating round city in nothing however chaps. Reward God and all of the Hosannahs In The Highest Treetops! Our lengthy nationwide nightmare is over:
Dealer Joe’s introduced again in-store meals samples at some shops on Saturday. Customers posted movies and images on TikTok, Instagram and different social platforms of a few of Dealer Joe’s samples over the weekend, together with granola and Halloween cookies.
However I, for one, do plan to proceed operating round in nothing however chaps. I like a cool breeze.
CHEERS to dangerous occasions for blithering idiots. A fast quartet of tales demonstrating that the rabid right-wingers claiming to run roughshod over the peasantry on Planet Earth don’t at all times take pleasure in a glide-path to evil:
Russia Whereas the remainder of the world agrees that Russia’s “annexation” of sovereign Ukrainian territory isn’t definitely worth the cabbage leaf it is printed on, Vladimir Putin’s “mighty navy” of drunks and profiteers continues its spectacular collapse in these areas.
Britain After giving a sequence of interviews wherein she stated she would by no means underneath any circumstances undo her new trickle-down economics coverage, the brand new prime minister, whose title is—[checks notes]—Margaret Thatcher on Steroids, canceled her trickle-down economics coverage and after three weeks on the job is taken into account the worst PM within the empire’s 54,000-year historical past.
Brazil South America‘s model of Donald Trump, a rainforest-trashing lunatic awash in corruption named Skeeter Bolsonaro, suffered a humiliating second Sunday night time when voters didn’t reelect him. As an alternative, he’ll be in a runoff with the #2 man who can be awash in corruption however not less than he isn’t the opposite man.
United States The Nationwide Archives has found that, no, Donald Trump and his crime syndicate have not returned all of the paperwork they stole after they fled Washington D.C. practically two years in the past. In response, Decide Aileen Cannon aimed to dissolve your entire investigation and ordered Joe Biden to award his predecessor 17 Medals of Freedom and a thousand hamberders. (Fortunately, the remainder of the 11th Circuit gently ushered their colleague again to her playroom within the basement to for nappytime.) Extra pre-dawn FBI searches, anybody?
Take that, evildoers.
CHEERS to life the best way they are saying it by no means was. On this date in 1957, Depart It to Beaver premiered on ABC. June Cleaver did housekeeping in pearls, frilly clothes, and excessive heels. Or as I prefer to name it: me on gutter cleansing day.
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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CHEERS to Quayle looking. Talking of nice debate moments, it was thirty-four years in the past at present, in 1988, when Democrat Lloyd Bentsen—Michael Dukakis’s operating mate—opened a can of whupass on Dan Quayle throughout their debate, and naturally the Republican whined like somewhat snowflake:
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It was one of many nice zingers in marketing campaign lore, and at present it is a staple of debate-highlight montages. 4 years later, in fact, got here the well-known potato”e” gaffe, thus proving Quayle wasn’t a really good vp. However ya gotta admit, he was a terrific warm-up act for George W. Bush. (And an Einstein in comparison with Trump.)
CHEERS to vibrant medals for vibrant minds. It is Nobel Prize Giving-Away Week, that almost all great time of yr once I can verify that, comparatively talking, I am one dumb-as-rocks man-child with a mind that resembles avocado dip previous its sell-by date. The newest winner introduced yesterday within the “Drugs, Physiology, or Dessert Topping” class hails from…oh, by no means thoughts. Not the USA, so he doesn’t actually matter:
Swedish scientist Svante Paabo received the Nobel Prize in drugs on Monday for his discoveries on human evolution that supplied key insights into our immune system and what makes us distinctive in contrast with our extinct cousins, the award’s panel stated.
Paabo has spearheaded the event of latest strategies that allowed researchers to match the genome of recent people and that of different hominins—the Neanderthals and Denisovans.
Whereas Neanderthal bones had been first found within the mid-Nineteenth century, solely by unlocking their DNA — also known as the code of life — have scientists been in a position to absolutely perceive the hyperlinks between species. This included the time when trendy people and Neanderthals diverged as a species, decided to be round 800,000 years in the past, stated Anna Wedell, chair of the Nobel Committee.
For the Nobel committee it was a straightforward choice based mostly on three vital standards: they pored over the man’s science, in contrast it to associated knowledge and, most critically, confirmed that the MyPillow man had completely nothing to do with it.
P.S. Here is the remainder of the Nobel schedule: Physics at present, Chemistry tomorrow, Literature by blogger with sweet corn dependancy Thursday, Peace Friday, and economics subsequent Monday. I am actually enthusiastic about my prospects Thursday. I already aced the twirling-flaming-batons portion.
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Ten years in the past in C&J: October 4, 2012
JEERS to staff who’re less than the duty at hand. Brian Williams proudly introduced final night time on NBC Nightly Information that Andrea Mitchell can be the community’s “official fact-checker” throughout tomorrow night time’s debate. That was moments after Andrea Mitchell stated in a report that “Nixon ought to’ve shaved” earlier than his 1960 debate with John F. Kennedy. Truth: he did shave earlier than that debate. However, as Difficult Dick himself stated: “I can shave inside 30 seconds earlier than I’m going on tv and nonetheless have a beard.” So, yeah, Andrea Mitchell can be their fact-checker Wednesday night time. No phrase but on who’ll be fact-checking her.
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And only one extra…
CHEERS to G-d’s Superb 25-Hour Miracle Eating regimen. The Jewish vacation of Yom Kippur begins at sunset (which in Maine is, like, 6 O’clock now) and continues by tomorrow. In line with C&J’s go-to information, Torah Tots…
Yom Kippur is a Shabbat…no work will be carried out on Yom Kippur.
It’s well-known that you’re alleged to chorus from consuming and consuming (even water) on Yom Kippur. It’s a full, 25+ hour quick starting earlier than sundown on the night earlier than Yom Kippur and ending after dusk on the day of Yom Kippur. The Talmud additionally specifies extra restrictions: washing and bathing, anointing one’s physique (with cosmetics, perfumes, and so on.), marital relations and sporting leather-based sneakers.
The vacation is a somber one throughout which Jews confess their sins and search forgiveness over the course of a day. That is why I am not Jewish—I might barely get began earlier than the closing buzzer went off.
Have a tolerable Tuesday. Flooring’s open…What are you cheering and jeering about at present?
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Right now’s Shameless C&J Testimonial
Maggie Haberman Says Invoice in Portland Maine Has Now ‘Backed Himself Right into a Nook’ and Should Run in 2024, However Suggests He Could ‘Keep within the Kiddie Pool the Entire Time’
—Mediaite
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