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One other yr has virtually handed, which permits us to look again and reward those that have entertained us with their antics — and, in some instances, outright stupidity.
On the time of writing, the POLITICO accounting workforce remains to be trying to see if our request for precise awards made from gold and within the form of the facepalm emoji is inside funds.
THE ‘FAWLTY TOWERS’ AWARD FOR HOSPITALITY
Roberta Metsola
“Is there anyplace they do French meals?“
“Sure, France, I consider. They appear to love it there. And the swim will surely sharpen your urge for food. You’d higher hurry, the tide leaves in six minutes.“
That basic trade is from “Fawlty Towers,” the hit British sitcom about a clumsy resort proprietor that’s now, it might appear, inspiration for the European Parliament because it seeks to get into the resort enterprise.
Parliament President Roberta Metsola has welcomed the thought of “establishing a resort within the Salvador de Madariaga constructing,” which is a part of Parliament’s Strasbourg actual property portfolio, as a result of it “might assist ease the burden on the resort sector” in Strasbourg.
Undecided the present resort house owners of Strasbourg would agree with that reasoning, seeing as loads of their enterprise comes from welcoming MEPs and Parliament staffers.
THE ‘3,2,1 … COMING, READY OR NOT’ AWARD FOR HIDING FROM SCRUTINY
Liz Truss
If we bear in mind only one factor from the quick time that Liz Truss was truly U.Okay. prime minister, then it needs to be that she didn’t — repeat, didn’t — disguise below a desk whereas below strain after her catastrophic mini-budget. That was made very clear by Penny Mordaunt, then the Home of Commons chief, who was despatched to fill in for Truss within the chamber as a result of the “PM” was in any other case occupied.
In a Commons debate, Labour MP Stella Creasy took her personal guess as to the place Truss was, saying: “All we all know proper now could be, except she tells us in any other case, the prime minister is cowering below her desk and asking for all of it to go away.” Seems that if you wish to make a whole parliament burst out laughing, you simply have to say, as Mourdant did in response to Creasy: “The prime minister will not be below a desk.”
Issues had been going so badly for Truss that even Labour chief Keir Starmer — not a pure comic — was in a position to hearth off some jokes, turning Margaret Thatcher’s well-known line “the woman’s not for turning” into an assault on the “prime minister” as “the woman’s not for turning … up.”
Inside days, Truss had resigned, outlasted by a lettuce. We’ll by no means see her likes once more (hopefully).
THE ‘HUNGRY LIKE A WOLF’ AWARD FOR NOT TALKING ABOUT ANIMAL CRUELTY
Ursula von der Leyen
In disappointing information, Ursula von der Leyen didn’t start her annual State of the European Union deal with with a heartfelt eulogy to her pet pony, Dolly, which was killed by a wolf days earlier. As an alternative, she went with Ukraine as her opening gambit. Properly, every to their very own.
The demise of Dolly the horse was a tragic occasion that left many unanswered questions: Was it a recreation of a Brothers Grimm fairytale gone fallacious? Was the wolf making a political assertion in opposition to von der Leyen’s geopolitical Fee? And — probably — was the perpetrator truly Vladimir Putin in a wolf costume?
Whereas there was no discourse about Dolly within the State of the European Union deal with, von der Leyen did point out the late Queen Elizabeth II, whom she known as a “legend” — a time period that has, alas, turn out to be devalued by overuse lately. It’s gone from getting used to explain somebody who slays a dragon to getting used to explain somebody who at all times will get a spherical in on the bar.
THE ‘SHUT UP AND MAKE CARS’ AWARD FOR MEANINGLESS INTERFERENCE
Elon Musk
Bear in mind when Elon Musk did regular issues like calling his youngster X Æ A-XII — X and live-tweeting himself taking a shit? Less complicated instances.
Now he owns Twitter. And simply earlier than that, he was given an internet kicking on the identical social media website by the president of Ukraine after proposing that, in an effort to obtain peace, Kyiv cede a few of its territory and maintain new elections in areas annexed by Russia. “That is extremely more likely to be the result ultimately — only a query of what number of die earlier than then,” Musk wrote, including that one other doable end result can be nuclear conflict.
Responses from Ukrainian officers and supporters had been swift and unsparing. “Which @elonmusk do you want extra?” Volodymyr Zelenskyy tweeted, together with a ballot that had choices for “One who helps Ukraine” and “One who helps Russia.” Ukrainian diplomat Andriy Melnyk, who was as soon as Ukraine’s ambassador to Germany, additionally weighed in, tweeting: “Fuck off is my very diplomatic reply to you @elonmusk.”
Musk, who typically acts like a 12-year-old, responded by saying he couldn’t indefinitely proceed paying for Ukrainians to have entry to Starlink web providers, earlier than altering his thoughts once more.
THE ‘I’VE GOT BALLS AND I DON’T CARE IF YOU TOUCH THEM’ AWARD FOR VALOR
Emmanuel Macron
Don’t mess with Emmanuel Macron’s balls. Really, scratch that, do mess along with his balls, as a result of he doesn’t care.
The French president got here below strain over the summer time to clarify his previous help for Uber’s lobbying efforts in France, after revelations of privileged exchanges with the American ride-hailing firm whereas he was financial system minister in 2015.
Responding to the revelations, the Elysée stated in a bland assertion that Macron’s function “naturally led him to satisfy and work together with many corporations engaged within the sharp shift which got here out throughout these years within the service sector.” However chatting with reporters throughout a go to to a manufacturing unit within the French Alps, Macron used a lot stronger language, saying he would repeat his actions “once more, tomorrow and the day after” — which sounds just like the title of a Bond movie. Macron additionally used the phrase “Ça m’en touche une sans faire bouger l’autre.”
Literal translation: “It [the criticism] touches considered one of them [his balls] with out nudging the opposite [ball].”
Precise translation: “I don’t give a shit what you say about me.”
THE ‘BEST THING EVER IN THE EU PARLIAMENT’ AWARD FOR CULTURE
Interpretive dancers
Politics is bizarre. It’s largely outdated individuals who appear to need to behave like youngsters. Parliaments throughout the globe are stuffed with folks shouting, screaming and sometimes preventing as in the event that they had been in a playground fairly than a spot by which legal guidelines are made that have an effect on folks’s lives.
And but, when precise younger folks flip as much as these supposed bastions of democracy, folks get offended about it. Working example: The interpretive dancers who carried out on the European Parliament in Strasbourg in Could to mark the tip of 4 days of occasions as a part of the Convention on the Way forward for Europe. A waste of taxpayers’ cash, not requested for and making little sense — and that was simply the MEPs watching!
Chuckle all you need — and nearly all of folks commenting on social media did simply that — however there are few issues that may’t be improved with the addition of dance (interpretive or in any other case), and this was probably the most enjoyable factor to come back out of the European Parliament since that Hungarian MEP shimmied his manner down a drainpipe after fleeing a homosexual orgy. The one manner the dancing might have been improved was if Man Verhofstadt had joined in, twirling his manner across the hemicycle in footless black tights.
THE ‘THERE WAS A YOUNG FELLOW FROM ANKARA … ‘ AWARD FOR INSULTING THE TURKISH LEADER
Wolfgang Kubicki
Boris Johnson, the previous chief clown of the UK and occasional prime minister, as soon as wrote a poem concerning the president of Turkey having intercourse with a goat. “There was a younger fellow from Ankara/Who was a terrific wankerer/Until he sowed his wild oats/With the assistance of a goat/However he didn’t even cease to thankera.” This yr, the precise president of Turkey, Recep Tayyip Erdoğan, was in comparison with a “sewer rat” by the vp of the German parliament.
On account of the remark by Wolfgang Kubicki, Turkey’s overseas ministry summoned the German ambassador to Ankara, after saying it condemned the “insulting” comment “within the strongest phrases.” Kubicki appeared to backtrack on his feedback, saying sewer rats are “cute” — who does his PR, a rat? — “however on the identical time intelligent and artful.”
Insulting the president is a prison offense in Turkey and Ankara has a historical past of reacting strongly to damaging feedback about its president from overseas: In 2016, Ankara filed two authorized complaints in opposition to German comic Jan Böhmermann, after he learn a crude poem on his TV present insulting Erdoğan.
THE ‘CUT-PRICE KETAMINE IS WHAT SHE WOULD HAVE WANTED’ ENTREPRENEURSHIP AWARD
British drug sellers
The demise of Queen Elizabeth II introduced out the easiest in Britain, together with in that bedrock of the nation: its drug sellers. Simply over 10 minutes after the passing of her majesty, one such supplier went viral with a tweet providing reductions on merchandise together with cocaine, weed and ketamine.
As first reported by Vice, the supplier tweeted: “Are you feeling upset or feeling down with the unhappy information concerning the Queens [sic] demise? Then don’t hesitate to contact me, I’m about till 1am!” The stoned royalist went on to say that because the queen was 96 on the time of her demise, he was providing 1 gram of “Bolivian Flake” — that’s cocaine to you and me — for £96.
Alas, as with so many provides, they aren’t all that particular on nearer inspection, with one one who obtained the message telling Vice World Information that the common worth is barely £100. Different sellers additionally acquired in on the act, with one telling clients they had been providing “a queen’s useless low cost on every little thing ask me for particulars.”
THE ‘PLEASE FASTEN YOUR SEATBELT, THERE MAY BE TURBULENCE’ AWARD FOR ONLINE MISBEHAVIOR
Air France pilots
“For those who look out of the window on the left of the plane, you may get pleasure from lovely views of Lake Geneva. For those who look straight forward, you’ll be capable of see me smash my fist into this fool’s nostril.”
Two Air France pilots had been suspended after preventing within the cockpit on a flight from Geneva to Paris, the corporate introduced. The mid-air fisticuffs happened in June however was stored quiet for a number of months, presumably due to acute embarrassment. The airline stated the flight continued and landed safely after cabin crew intervened, presumably by flattening oxygen masks from the panel above their heads and asking the offended pilots to take deep breaths.
We’re used to unhealthy habits from passengers, not pilots, together with earlier this yr when a drunken traveler made the massive mistake of annoying Mike Tyson, leading to a severe beating. We are able to solely reveal that Tyson was not a kind of concerned within the Air France mid-air dust-up.
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