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Yoruba actor and Nollywood star, Olaniyi Afonja, popularly referred to as ‘Sanyeri’ shares his fatherhood expertise with EMMANUEL OJO
What does fatherhood imply to you?
Fatherhood means being the pinnacle of the house, a husband to a spouse, a father to youngsters and fulfilling the obligations and duties which can be as a result of a person to his spouse and kids.
How previous had been you whenever you grew to become a father?
I received married after I was 31 years previous and I’ve been married since 2007.
Have been you explicit in regards to the intercourse of your first baby?
There’s no gender that’s not a toddler however I had a male baby as my first baby.
Did you’ve household or social stress to grow to be a father?
All dad and mom need their youngsters to cool down on time. The dad and mom’ intention won’t be seen in a great mild by the kid however they (dad and mom) consider that youngsters include good fortunes and all that’s required to deal with them (the kids) include it from heaven. Dad and mom often need one thing good for his or her youngsters but when a person considers that if he takes that step to begin a household, he gained’t have the ability to meet up with the duties, it’s finest for him to use knowledge in managing the stress coming from the dad and mom until he feels he’s able to beginning a household.
Is finance a significant factor?
I’m not saying that it’s obligatory for one to be wealthy earlier than he will get married however one ought to have a job and God will bless the works of his palms however for somebody who doesn’t have a job or handiwork and expects that God will make issues work out for him, it’s not that God can not make it work out, however the particular person hasn’t achieved it the appropriate means.
If one needs to construct a home, no less than, he must purchase land first. The very first thing for a person is to have a job at hand. It’s after having a job, when the person has attained monetary independence, that he can think about taking a spouse and kids will observe. Because the duties maintain growing, God can via that additionally improve his finance and supply of earnings and make him extra steady and he’ll reside a cushty life. That’s my opinion.
How did you are feeling when your first baby arrived?
There’s nothing so particular about one having a primary baby. For somebody who wants a toddler and has a spouse, when God offers them the present of the primary baby, they are going to be pleased and stuffed with Pleasure and the particular person will see himself as one blessed and it will likely be the start of goodness. Kids are items and people who obtain them ought to be grateful.
Did you give your spouse some type of help whereas she was pregnant?
The situation (being pregnant) is the handiwork of God and He’s unsearchable. There’s nothing one can do than to help one’s accomplice when she is pregnant. It’s important to give her a remainder of thoughts and one must be extra caring, ask her how she feels and all that.
What has fatherhood taught you?
There’s nothing else it teaches one as people’ priorities differ. Some prefer to at all times have new outfits and alter their wardrobe every so often whereas for others, their precedence is to construct homes from place to position. For some others too, shopping for automobiles is their precedence whereas for an additional set of individuals, their precedence is their youngsters. For me, I consider that the perfect funding I could make in life is for my youngsters to achieve success. I can’t jeopardise their future for something. Both I’ve a lot or in any other case, I’ll do all the things inside my capability to make sure that my youngsters won’t have any trigger sooner or later to abuse me or describe me as an irresponsible father.
Are there issues that fatherhood has prevented you from doing?
Fatherhood doesn’t translate to the truth that one ought to cease doing issues he does. If one decides to cease behaving the best way he used to as a result of he now has youngsters, what offers one the reassurance that the nemesis gained’t meet up with the kids sooner or later for the issues he has achieved previously. As I stated earlier than, it is determined by one’s precedence. In case your youngsters are your precedence, you’ll do all the things inside your energy to make sure that they’re profitable. Earlier than I received married and had youngsters, I didn’t have the behavior of consuming alcohol and doing shady offers. So, there’s nothing I did previously that fatherhood prevents me from doing now.
Are there values out of your dad that you just want to move to your youngsters?
We have now totally different experiences primarily based on our numerous backgrounds. Within the household the place I used to be born, divorce just isn’t inspired. My mom and father had been at all times collectively. We have now ‘Iya Niyi’ and ‘Baba Niyi’. The instance they’ve set for me is that I can’t determine to inform my spouse that I’m achieved with the wedding as a result of my father by no means set such an instance for me.
The Bible stated we must always increase our youngsters in the best way that they are going to give us peace. In the event that they act wrongly, I name them to order. In Nigeria, one can afford to beat a toddler however it’s not allowed overseas. To name a toddler to order overseas, one should have a means of speaking to them and all that. Generally phrases harm greater than beating the kid. There are a lot of methods one can right a toddler particularly overseas. The tradition there holds that you just can not beat a toddler however no less than, we are able to discuss to them and there’s no means the phrases will harm them to the extent that there might be bodily marks on their physique that the authorities there’ll accuse you of kid abuse. However generally, it’s the dad and mom that offend the kids and generally, now we have to be those to apologise to them once we inconvenience them.
Do you additionally help with chores at residence?
I pray that God gained’t let anybody endure from any illness. I’m meant to hold out my roles at residence and my spouse is anticipated to additionally perform her roles at residence as nicely however at instances when she is down and she or he just isn’t capable of do all that’s anticipated of her and I do know that it’s fairly uncommon of her, I’m obliged to cowl up for her and vice versa. In a case the place she is sick and kids need to eat, I’ve to take up the duty of cooking. The one factor is that she’s going to simply information me via it. As an illustration, if I’ve to cook dinner rice, she may need to provide me the cooking information, like telling me how lengthy the water will boil, when so as to add the rice and all that. Someway, I’ve to assist her cowl up in her position as a result of we’re each in love.
Your job requires that you just transfer from location to location. How do you spend time with your loved ones?
I’m a really busy particular person as a result of my sort of job. I’m not a tailor or a housekeeper. My job requires transferring from one place to a different as a result of the placement could be anyplace. When I’m at residence, we don’t want telephones to speak to one another however after I go to a location, I name my spouse no less than 3 times every day to know what the state of affairs is at residence as a result of if they don’t seem to be advantageous at residence, I can’t be advantageous the place I’m. It is because my household is my precedence. There’s a spot for work and there’s additionally a spot for household. The job should not have an effect on the household and vice versa.
Do you assume any of your youngsters are as humorous as you might be?
Effectively, you already know that one could be proficient with out realizing that they haven’t found it. So, what they’re possible going to be good at could be noticed via what catches their curiosity as a result of it’s one thing that I’ve additionally gone via earlier than. One can not purchase a expertise for a kid. It’s God’s present. If it’s in him, there are methods that God reveals it that that is the trail that the kid will undergo. It may be found via what they like. Some need their youngsters to be docs, attorneys and engineers however the youngsters would possibly develop up not liking these fields. I’d say that I would like my youngsters to be this and that but when God says that it’s via their skills that they are going to grow to be nice, then that’s it.
After I was younger, I by no means noticed myself as a comic however I seen that once we watched stage dramas at college, I loved it specifically. I loved watching stage performs however I by no means knew that I had the expertise. Later, I began making little comedies and other people instructed my mum that I ought to be an actor. They solely laughed about it however my mum by no means knew that it was a expertise that would give me a breakthrough and so they by no means knew that I’d ultimately grow to be an actor. After I was in secondary faculty, on my means residence, as an alternative of greeting the adults I met on the best way, I often challenged them by asking, “Can’t you greet Alhaji?” It was one thing very humorous to them and so they reported to my mum and suggested that I be a part of a theatre group. At some point, one in all my buddies that was into performing arts suggested me to take up appearing and took me to a theatre group and that was how it began for me.
Are any of your youngsters aspiring to have a profession like yours?
My youngsters don’t have curiosity in the meanwhile however I don’t learn about tomorrow, whether or not the story will change.
Do they watch the films you star in?
Sure, they do, generally.
What’s often their response?
Someday previously, when my first son watched some roles I performed alongside Odunlade Adekola, he stated to me, “Daddy, I hate this man (Odunlade).” After I requested him why, he stated, “It’s as a result of he (Odunlade) beats you.” I instructed him by no means to thoughts however simply watch. Generally, I let him know that that’s what brings meals to the desk. That was really the extent to which he understood it then. He thought we had been really having an actual combat. He didn’t perceive that we had been simply appearing.
How previous is your first son?
He’s 15 years previous now.
Do additionally they name you Sanyeri or different nicknames at residence?
They will’t name me Sanyeri as a result of I’m their dad. They know that it’s the title of the character within the film.
How do you right them after they go fallacious?
I right them however I’m often not harsh on them and that’s as a result of I’m often not at all times at residence with them. I can’t get too harsh on them for the little time I spend at residence. Even when their mum shouts at them, I shouldn’t do the identical in order that the each of us gained’t be harsh on them. I’ve to play the position of reconciling them again and letting them know that what they did was fallacious.
If I used to be the one they offended, and I beat them, their mum additionally tries to reconcile them again and attempt to limit me from letting it get too far. It’s additionally most popular that the mom ought to be the one disciplining them than the daddy as a result of girls are often extra compassionate than males, particularly after they bear in mind what they went via earlier than having the kid.
Are you bothered about elevating your youngsters within the western tradition?
God created everybody and each race on this planet however anyplace one finds himself, he has to mix with the lifestyle. Within the western tradition, youngsters are usually not disciplined that a lot after they go fallacious however in Yoruba land the place I used to be born and raised, we self-discipline youngsters after they go fallacious. Other than the self-discipline, the tradition and way of life can be vital. When my youngsters see me within the morning, they prostrate to greet me. It’s the tradition of our land that when a father and baby meet within the morning, the kid prostrates for the daddy.
Do you additionally uphold that tradition if you end up overseas with them?
Sure. That’s what now we have been taught and have taught them, so, they’re used to it. It’s a special factor once we are on a video name however bodily, they need to (prostrate). I did the identical to my dad and mom and the Bible says that one ought to practice up his baby in order that the kid will give him peace.
There was a video on social media that confirmed your youngsters talking with international accents. How do you are feeling whenever you hear them with that accent?
Effectively, we are able to’t blame them as a result of we took them there (overseas). For the truth that they reside overseas, they are going to have that accent but when they are saying one thing that I don’t perceive, I inform them to say it in Yoruba.
Do additionally they perceive Yoruba very nicely?
Sure, they perceive Yoruba nicely however they don’t seem to be very fluent.
What are you able to say has been your largest problem as a father?
There has actually not been any massive problem. The issues we undergo as dad and mom are regular and life is such that it doesn’t matter what we’re going via, both good or unhealthy, now we have to remain sturdy and undergo it. There’s nothing that has occurred to 1 person who hasn’t occurred to a different earlier than. Life has its ups and downs.
What are the legacies you need to go away behind on your youngsters?
There’s no legacy one needs to go away behind that’s higher than a great upbringing for the kids. The issues one teaches the kids when he’s alive are the values they are going to maintain for all times and people are the values they are going to bear in mind one for sooner or later and likewise move on to their youngsters. If one builds homes and buys automobiles, such issues degenerate with time. Even when I construct homes in Nigeria and so they determine that they gained’t come to Nigeria to reside in these homes, there’s nothing I can do about that. If one buys a brand new automobile or builds a brand new home, as an example, in 20 years, it might have gone out of style and elegance. A very powerful legacy is an effective upbringing.
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